In the air

Another Brooke Fraser song. this one's called mystery

i have a feeling pretty soon i'll have all the lyrics for all the Brooke Fraser songs. 

I wanna get your words stuck in my head
I wanna touch your soul with mine
I want to always be, be by your lead
Always

I wanna know that you hung the stars in the sky
So on lonely nights I would know your presence
I wanna feel your love under my skin, down through my bones

Your love endures forever
Your love changes me
Your love makes me whole, makes me better
Your love endures

I wanna feel the wind and know that you're near me
And see in the seasons your mystery
I wanna feel your love flow through my veins

I want to know how this could be
Yet your love remains a mystery
That's woven all the way
That's woven all the way
That's woven all the way through me

But anyway, this one isn't for fun.

Despite how sleepy i've been, despite how thick my skull has grown, no matter how callous my heart may grow to be, in spite of how impervious my soul can become,

there's something in the air. I can feel it. 

(and no, it's not the haze, to all you snickering cynics out there)

this one is to my fellow future eternal neighbours. 

I do believe there's going to be a buildup. maybe it's cos church camp is coming and i'm trying to hype myself up.

but i think i'd rather be disappointed by something i make up, then be cynical and be saying the famous 'i told you so' to others. 

yeah i think i wouldn't mind risking a fall. i wouldn't mind risking an embarrassment. 

it's rather remarkable(i use this word because i don't know if this is a good or bad thing) how cynical and disbelieving i've become, thanks to how other self professed Christians have behaved(and in the process, really making me feel ashamed and at a loss for words), the lack of 'God-talk' in my life, the draining effect of WORK. On one hand, i don't think i rattle off stuff i'm not sure about anymore. my brain seems to have better control over the wacky nerves in my mouth. and i don't think i missed the days when i was an enthusiastic, albeit ignorant and impulsive little fish. (for those of you who may want to know, the fish was a sign of Christianity in the early days. Christians who shared no common language would draw the symbol of the fish, which looks like an infinity sign with one end closed. however, aside from myself thinking it sounds cute, i dunno why i described myself as a fish) those were the Ibanez days, i'd think. yet on this side of the hill, i think my cynicism has caused me to experience lesser moments of awe. those were the moments where time would seem to sit still, and i'd let myself be taken to Calvary. those were heart wrenching moments of joy. and i do miss those spaces of time. 

i do.

I wanna have the cake and eat it. 

I want the innocence of the Ibanez days, and I wanna play like Satriani. 

I want to be doubtful and cynical at the correct time and place, but lavish my faith, hope and love on the Way, the Truth, the Light, and all the things He stands for. 

I want to sound like a child who flows over the brim with wisdom. 

I want to be funny without hurting anyone

I want to be holy, and not be aloof

I want to love unconditionally, but not partake of sin

I want God's blessings on my friends, and I want His blessings on my enemies.

I want to experience the joy of giving a large wad of cash to people who need it

I want the income disparity in the world to end

I don't want any enemies. 

I don't want the pain from the baptism of fire, but i want to be refined as gold. 

I don't want to make screw ups, but i want to remember not to make them. 

I don't want black bile. but I want to be driven heavenward

I want to want God more and more. and more and more. 

then I want to love Him more and more.

this would be the perfect birthday present. ok maybe not perfect, perfect would include stuff like being taller, being able to dunk, having the same skill and MUSICALITY as Joe Satriani, having a 24 fret fender telecaster, having a wife that's 'HOTTER THAN MUTHU'S CURRY AND SPICIER THAN FATIMAH'S SPICES'(and a voice and talent like Brooke Fraser's!), having time and money to go on ALL the dive trips i want, which would somehow, with the help of worm holes and time machines, NEVER clash with sunday services. 

there's still a lot more. 

Blessed are the poor, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven