Saturday, November 22, 2008

i'm wondering me; and pondering us

i'm wondering me
and pondering us
not now seeing
but thinking of stars

how far they are
how high they seem
how cheap we've made ourselves
for You to redeem

we were scarlet in sin
now we're white as snow
sacred blood, so carelessly spilled
so aimlessly wondering, amidst its flow

i'm wondering me
and pondering us
was it all worth it,
when You got Your scars

Yours is no place for a mind
a heart for numbers; profit and gain
Yours is a mystery
unwritable, untamable

who are You, and who am i?
but show me yourself, before anything else
show me yourself, and i'll have nothing else

have i told You before
how much i need You, 
how much i want to want You?

yes i have, a thousand times over
and still, i repeat that prayer
which reaches further than stars
words are words, and i'll be me
while i wait for You
to release me from my skin

i'm wondering me
and pondering us
but now, no need for that
when i'm here, with the First and the Last


Sunday, November 16, 2008

the crossroad is a memory away
and now the journey is the only way
would i lose it to refind it
lose it to refine it

sometimes it stings;
the knowledge that 
at the end of the day
i'm still clay

there to be made nothing
when i figure i've became something
to form teetering shapes 
tottering towers
Holy water-holding vases
for thirsty, pained faces

we're hardened, but we're breakable
we go through fires, fire after fire
when it all ends, who can, who will say
if i'm what i hoped to be, on that distant day

would I lose you, to find the real You
lose me, to refine the aged me
or are things what they seem to be
but blurred through wide awake eyes

don't let me lose You
but let me release me
let me find myself
in You

Friday, November 7, 2008

You can have all this world, but give me Jesus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tsEvV5REww

another amazing video of Brooke Fraser. yeah yeah, here i go again. this one is her doing a cover of Fernando Ortega(who's that?!)'s song, and then followed by Faithful(my most most most favourite song off Albertine)

my pessimistic soliloquy is overdue.

somewhere on the other side of the world, a so-called Christian is getting laid. and then on this side of the world, a similar confessor is having a similar experience.
and perhaps one third around the world, a Christian in Africa is facing a test of faith. at gunpoint.
on the same continent, the people starving to death are a lot more than the hairs on your head. your families' head, even.
in 3 different places at once, sons and daughters are denying their heavenly Father because of temporary things they see and feel. circumstances meant for their own good. 
6 hours ago, a potential believer had his chances erased when he saw a believer in cavorting in sin. and enjoying it.
someone just died of starvation.
3 people in Africa just got infected with AIDS.

and there's not a single thing any of us did about it. 
we'd probably forget about all these next week.

it sucks to know someone is really suffering, and all you do about it is sit on your ass.
Tony Campolo once said, "some of you don't give a shit about poverty in the world. And some of you are more offended that i just said 'shit' than by the fact there are more children dying of starvation in Africa."

I know, we're supposed to pray. and pray about it. 
but honestly, doesn't anyone find it a bit idealistic? 
but i guess i'm called to be a fool. so that some smart alecs out there would be put to immense shame. 
so after i've finished writing this, i'm going to pray. and perhaps someone out there would live to suffer another day.

and with that put aside, i've got my own winding road to travel. Lord knows how many potholes are waiting out there for me to sprain my ankle in. brambles and thistles, do your worst. i'm gonna meet the Gardener.

now, if you can, please pray a seemingly futile prayer for someone in africa. somewhere a kid has forgotten to smile. he hasn't smiled, and he'd rather spend the energy worrying about where the next scrap of food will come. his bloated stomach is an ironic stark contrast to his limbs. but it's bloated because he's starving, not because he's full. your futile prayer may help him remember how to smile one day.
in the neighbouring country, a 3 year old girl has just been raped because of a stupid and ridiculous myth that AIDS can be cured by having sex with a virgin. so that 3 year old girl will probably not live beyond the age of 14. all because of a stupid myth. 

who wants this world? give me Jesus.

Lord, we can't hear their cries. we may have felt their gastric pangs once in a while, but not as often as they do. we can't hear them but You do. and You hear our prayers too. Hear our prayers. Please.