Monday, June 29, 2009

friend of fishes

so i figure, after today's fishing trip, that i should be a fish's friend. 
didn't catch a single one. nope, not one. and 1 infuriating part was when my line was tangled(a phenomenon known as char bee hoon), the fishes near me decided to say hi by giving a little splash.
i'm not kidding! i heard like, 2 or 3 splashes NEAR me, in a reservoir that was SUPPOSED TO BE DEVOID OF ANY FISHES.
apparently these fishes must have learnt something. you know how they always describe fishes to be in schools? they aren't that wrong now, because after i excitedly and accurately cast slightly in front of a ripple(a sign of a fish), that fish didn't take a chomp out of my lure. 
1 word: infuriating!

but honestly, fishing at lower pierce is therapeutic. the whole scenery, the fun of casting, the solitude, as long as you remember to apply insect repellant so that the mozzies don't come and destroy your alone time. 

much thanks also goes to the 3 lovely ladies(better mention them here cos at least rachael has already read this blog) for food, drinks and entertainment. 

gotta go again. anyone interested, lemme know. i have an extra rod and reel!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

petty man week: a review

so this petty man syndrome week, ironically, has been a really great week. 
because after all the horrible moods, irritating faces and everything, i really managed to see how God really IS better than all these. and to come to such a point, i realise, is painful. 

was having a talk with a cute girl(muahahaha) today and somehow the talk went south(by the world's standards) and we were talking bout the second coming. but the food for thought(ironic, since we were having lunch) was that both of us like, didn't really want Christ to come yet because there were quite a number of things to do. and so i guess something's wrong with me(aside from being so good looking) because as a Christian, why am i not panging for the new heaven and earth? by the way, cute girl, feel free to tag my whatever flooble chatterbox or whatever it's called and put your name there. i've a feeling someone NOT CUTE will prob try to impersonate her. 

another talk was with jem, bout how i always felt rather artificial as a church musician, especially because we always talked about how the mood was like, congregation response was like, technical skills were like, during the evaluation. er ok i still don't really like the part bout congregation, and i still feel rather unsettled that NO ONE(except maybe Joe P) ever says a sentence with the word 'God' in there. bleagh i'm in that list too. so i guess it's time for another change. but essentially, i'm quite thankful that jem brought me to the realization that as part of the band, playing good music IS part of my role as a musician, and hence the mood, the atmosphere, i feel, is an undeniable consequence of how the band plays. whether God does move in the congregation is a separate issue. 

oh, so like, 3 hours ago, i applied a kimura to a 16 year old boy. heard a CRACK and my goodness, i was done sparring for that night. 
COME ON MAN, YOU'RE 16 YEARS OLD, HAVE A BIT OF MATURITY TO TAP OUT! 
fortunately his arm was alright, or at least he said so. but my goodness, that was the worst sound i heard in a long time. and i don't intend to hear anymore of that. it's really sick.


so, once again, I thank God for the petty man syndrome. because i am glad to be where i am: at the point of realization that all things are truly rubbish in light of knowing God. i don't intend to curse any of you, but i do hope you receive your fair share of PMS weeks so that you can come and enjoy this place like i have. 

Monday, June 22, 2009

Petty Man Syndrome

yeah i'm having my Petty Man Syndrome(PMS) now. the funny thing is that a few years ago i might have gone all spiritual and screamed 'SPIRITUAL ATTACK! GET BEHIND ME SATAN!' and utter a series of unintelligible guttural screams and gibberish. ok i'm exaggerating. i am. but the point is that number 1: i'm prob easily irritable now and 2: it's gonna prob last for a while so 3: please be careful lest you find yourself in an armbar(if your name is Jason Quek Tee Jien maybe i'll just wave a pointy stick at you and scream curses in your face)

the good point in all these is that i managed to see how God is better.

maybe it's an irresponsible remark, considering how i'm moving away from something that should be confronted. but maybe i'm also not in the best of states to confront whatever needs to be tackled horns on.

what i AM worried about is the lack of initiative and action to act accordingly after how i have managed to arrive at this rather painful point of realisation. work is ending soon, and i can see how easy it is to be distracted because my MACBOOK AT HOME IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS CRAP IBM LAPTOP I'M USING.

so, if you will, please pray for me.
thank you.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

i'm starting to realise i have no problem with finding faults with people, ironically after i get to know them better. so much for love. 

Thursday, June 18, 2009

more C.S Lewis

No doubt Pain as God's megaphone is a terrible instrument; it may lead to final and unrepented rebellion. But it gives the only opportunity the bad man can have for amendment. It removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of a rebel soul. If the first and lowest operation of pain shatters the illusion that all is well, the second shatters the illusion that what we have, whether good or bad in itself, is our own and enough for us. Everyone has noticed how hard it is to turn our thoughts to God when everything is going well with us. We 'have all we want' is a terrible saying when 'all' does not include God. We find God an interruption. As St Augustine says somewhere, 'God wants to give us something, but cannot, because our hands are full - there's nowhere for Him to put it'. Or as a friend of mine said, 'We regard God as an airman regards his parachute; it's there for emergencies but he hopes he'll never have to use it.' Now God, who has made us, knows what we are and that our happiness lies in Him. Yet we will not seek it in Him as long as He leaves us any other resort where it can even plausibly be looked for. While what we call 'our own life' remains agreeable we will not surrender it to Him. What then can God do in our interests but make 'our own life' less agreeable to us, and take away the plausible sources of false happiness? It is just here, where God's providence seems at first to be most cruel, that the Divine humility, the stooping down of the highest, most deserves praise. We are perplexed to see misfortune falling upon decent, inoffensive, worthy people - on capable, hardworking mothers of families or diligent, thrifty little trades-people, on those who have worked so hard, and so honestly, for their modest stock of happiness and now seem to be entering on the enjoyment of it with the fullest right. How can I say with sufficient tenderness what here needs to be said? It does not matter that I know I must become, in the eyes of every hostile reader, as it were, personally responsible for all the sufferings I try to explain - just as, to this day, everyone talks as if St Augustine wanted unbaptised infants to go to Hell. But it matters enormously if I alienate anyone from the truth. Let me implore the reader to try to believe, if only for the moment, that God, who made these deserving people, may really be right when He thinks that their modest prosperity and the happiness of their children are not enough to make them blessed: that all this must fall from them in the end, and that if they have not learned to know Him they will be wretched. And therefore He troubles them, warning them in advance of an insufficiency that one day they will have to discover. The life to themselves and their families stand between them and the recognition of their need; He makes that life less sweet to them

The Problem of Pain, pp. 76-7

If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

'The Weight of Glory' in Screwtape proposes a Toast, pp 87-8

But the most obvious fact about praise-whether of God or anything-strangely escaped me. I thought of it in terms of compliment, approval, or the giving of honour. I had never noticed that all enjoyment spontaneously overflows into praise unless (sometimes even if) shyness or the fear of boring others is deliberately brought in to check it. The world rings with praise-lovers praising their mistresses, readers their favourite poet, walkers praising the countryside, players praising their favourite game-praise of weather, wines, dishes, actors, motors, horses, colleges, countries, historical personages, children, flowers, mountains, rare stamps, rare beetles, even sometimes politicians or scholars. I had not noticed how the humblest, and at the same time most balanced and capacious, minds, praised most, while the cranks, misfits and malcontents praised least.

Reflections on the Psalms, p. 80

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Brooke Fraser-The Thief

Your eyes are full
full of the future of us
the air changes as you look across
at me in that wondering way

It is as if
I knew you before you spoke
do our hearts know something we don't
conspiring, converging without giving us any say

You 
sing me to sleep
talk down my walls
look through my windows as I
wait 
You could be the thief
I give the key to

You're ruining me
with secrets and gestures and looks
with sonnets in second-hand books
playing the chords in me 
nobody knew how to play

You 
sing me to sleep
talk down my walls
look through my windows as I
wait
You could be the thief
I give the key to

It fits in your hand like the water in rain
It unlocks our two differences and shows 
we are the same
rather than wait till I
put me out for the taking
you're breaking
you're breaking into my heart
and I'm letting you

Your eyes are full
full of the future of us




you guys have gotta hear this song if you haven't. 

Sunday, June 7, 2009

old man stuff

so, i'm getting down to do more old man stuff. reading books in my free time(not at work), taking a break from all those computer games(helps when you have a mac, which is incompatible with tons of windows games, and then in addition to that i don't have a whatever geforce blablabla graphics card) and making instant soup(erm cos i'm supposed to be too old to make proper soup?)

OK SO I ADMIT THIS IS PROBABLY NOT WHAT ALL OLD PEOPLE DO. JOEL'S DAD PLAYS COMPUTER GAMES FOR GOODNESS' SAKE. AND IT'S NOT TEXAS HOLD'EM POKER ON FACEBOOK(like my dad does) IT'S LIKE CALL OF DUTY 4 OR 5.

but hey, this is something nice. i'm reading this book that has collected quotes by C.S Lewis on topics ranging from A to Z. and it's a pretty good way to unwind, contemplate God's goodness, and at the same time sound like a really high class guy who has read those incredibly hard to understand C.S Lewis books.

so, another nugget that i have from reading said book.

on Glory:

The promise of glory is the promise, almost incredible and only possible by the work of Christ, that some of us, that any of us who really chooses, shall actually survive that examination, shall find approval, shall please God. To please God... to be a real ingredient in the divine happiness... to be loved by God, not merely pitied, but delighted in as an artist delights in his work or a father in a son - it seems impossible, a weight or burden of glory which our thoughts can hardly sustain. But so it is.
'The Weight of Glory' in Screwtape Proposes a Toast,
pp.96-7



by the way, bought this tomato and basil instant soup packet stuff from malaysia. you know, the kind that you put into a nice mug and add hot water?
it's well.... souper....

Thursday, June 4, 2009

it's hard to wait
for things that come
a little too late

Time is Yours it's not mine
my fingers they scrabble and grasp
for things of a few different kind

I said it was You
I hope it still holds true

keep me from walking, keep me from searching
make me start to stop, get me started on waiting

it's hard to wait 
even for things 
that were never late

 


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

a quote from C.S. Lewis

You must picture me alone in that room in Magdalen, night after night, feeling, whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. That which I greatly feared had at last come upon me. In the Trinity Term of 1929, I gave in and admitted that God was God and knelt and prayed: perhaps that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. i did not then see what is now the most shining and obvious thing, the divine humility which will accept the convert on even such terms. The prodigal son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can not duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance to escape? These words, compelle intrare, compel them to come in, have been so abused by wicked men that we shudder at them; but. properly understood, they plumb the depth of the divine mercy. The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men, and his compulsion is our liberation.

Surprised by Joy, p. 17


i love this. it made me guffaw, and at the same time want to cry.